Days of our Lives!

June 12, 2006

BREAKING NEWS : Dhoni’s a descendant of Jesus!!!

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy — Santhosh @ 10:09 PM

Note: This post contains 100% imaginary content, and any relationship to anyone living or dead (including Christ) is purely coincidental.

Groundbreaking! Shocking! Revelatory!
‘Renowned’ for-nothinger Santhosh has just come up with a startling piece of knowledge. That the descendant of Jesus is none other than our Master Blaster Dhoniiiiii!!!! Our special reporter caught up with him yesterday and here are the excerpts from the interview!

What first made you suspect that Dhoni may be the One?
His hair do. The long, shaggy do, with streaks of brown on them. The way it curls around his ears…

So that explains your first interview with Dhoni when you tugged on his hair…
Well one cant be too carefull, right? Too many imposters around. Anyhow i had my first confirmation when Dhoni had his hair styled in Bangalore during the South Africa one-day series. The round bob style was truly revelatory. I could not believe my very own eyes. It was like the Mona Lisa had come to life. Just like experts the world over are puzzled over the sex of the mythical painting, I too could not make out if it really was Dhoni or some sister of his…

About your second interview with Dhoni when you pricked him with your pencil, and came out shouting “He’s the One! He’s the One!”…
Ah, well! Yes. My Lord, Sir Dan Brown’s excellent work “The Da Vinci Code” tells us all that Jesus belonged to the lineage of kings – of King Solomon and King David. Also M’lady Mary Magdalene belonged to the house of King Benjamin. So undoubtedly Dhoni also (if indeed a descendant of Jesus) should be of royal blood. And well, as we all know royal blood is blue in colour my dear Watson. So all i had to do to confirm this elementary piece of evidence was to obtain a sample of Dhoni’s blood. So out came the pencil to prick him and Voila!, beyond my wildest of dreams, out came a trickle of blue.

(On further investigation it is learnt that the blue was the colour running off onto Dhoni’s sweat from his India shirt. Blame it on the BCCI. Thank god India dont sport purple or orange. So where does that leave our Man in Blue).

What was the absolute clincher?
It’s been 2000 years since Jesus. So on an average of 3 generations per century, we come up with 666.66. Now divide this by the number of years in a century and we get 6.66 which on rounding up comes to 7! And where does Dhoni bat in the Indian lineup? At no.7!!!

So you are totally convinced that Dhoni indeed belongs to the lineage of Jesus?
Absolutely. His place in history, be it in the lineage or in the lineup is fo – Hey! Wait a minute. Lineage, lineup. Lineup, lineage… Is there someth – (and he’s rushed off to stop his publisher so that he can add up this astonishing fact into his book).

This particularly lousy post was ‘inspired’ (if you could call it that for this piece of trash) by the latest Bring-Jesus-Back book that’s out :
The Jesus Papers by Michael Baigent.
Baigent was in the news recently as the co-author (with Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln) of Holy Blood, Holy Grail which Brown was accused of plagiarising. Brown got away but the spin-off for Baigent is the renewed interest in his other books – The Dead Sea Scrolls and The Inquisition. The Jesus Papers is supposed to contain content from the Dead Sea Scrolls found in the Caves of Qumran in 1947.

For Holy sake, why cant people leave a piece of fiction called the Bible alone?
The theories and speculations and surmisals…
It’s disgusting in superlatives to say the least!
Am seriously thinking of taking up writing…

A thought…
Is someone out there who thinks John Abraham’s a good candidate with his long locks?


1 Comment »

  1. john 4 jesus buddy??john’s more like the prince of persia..heh heh how abt the missile man with his locks?!?!

    Comment by Balaji.SM — June 14, 2006 @ 1:46 AM | Reply

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