Days of our Lives!

November 9, 2006

The Road not Mistaken!

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,Top Draws,work(place) — Santhosh @ 3:27 PM

Hmmmmmm. Almost 18 months and I’ve still not been kicked out of my company. Something seriously wrong somewhere somehow? So what have I observed around me in this time? What are the lessons I’ve learnt? What have I taken in these past months from my professional life (apart from the mouse pad i stole on my first day)?

  • The entire industry works on Time Division Multiplexing and multitasking.
  • Some use Code Division Multiplexing too (Like in dividing the work so that each developer can Google only that part of code.)
  • Managers can be as dumb as they are made out to be.
  • Beneath the veneer and dazzle of big brand names, high visibility projects and multi-billion dollar clients, your salary will still be lower than Mariana Trench.
  • Coding is common sense + w3schools.
  • Murphy’s law and Catch-22 situations don’t just exist in comic strips.
  • There really are some ‘software guys’ who cannot develop a liking for coffee even after 16 long months. I’m living (barely, though) proof.
  • Parkinson’s law is true. But then so is the inverse.
  • You will need diplomatic skills and you’d better be born with the ability to bluff.
  • If someone comes sits near you, and talks of how hard you’ve been working lately, it means he’s going on vacation and you’ll have to take care of “a little” of his work.
  • There will always be an obsequious someone who’ll be favoured above you.
  • It’s better to earn the respect of your managers, than to be liked by them.
  • Breakfasts? What are they?
  • The company is NEVER going to say no for a new project, irrespective of the feasibility or resources available.
  • Weekends are those annoying little days when your house owner looks suspiciously at you as you start for office.
  • Weekends are those absolutely awesome days when the traffic is lighter on the way to office.
  • There is always work. It is the sharing of this work which differentiates between people bored with work and people bored without work.
  • Managers really really do believe that it is realistically possible to give birth to a baby in one month if 9 people work on it.
  • An ‘aggressive’ manager (like mine) is someone who believes you can have a baby in a week if you can do ‘smart work’. (Someone’s gotta tell him it needs ‘smart work’ to have a baby in the first place.)
  • It’s always the quantity of hours you put in, rather than the quality of them, that matters to your colleagues and managers. Productivity can go to hell.
  • You put in all those hours and become good at one module, and you’ll be asked to take up more ‘responsibility’ (read as more modules).
  • The one who takes pride in his work will be the one who’ll be working the most.
  • Any song played belongs to a film each in Tamil, Hindi, Kannada, Bengali, and Arabic. And two films in Telugu.
  • Girls! They get less work. They do less work. They pay less tax. And complain about Women’s Rights. It’s time we started a Men’s Freedom Movement community in Orkut. Cheerio.
  • Deadlines. You meet them everywhere all the time.
  • There is no such thing as a satisfied employee. Neither is there something called job satisfaction.
  • The better looking girls will always be in the next building or in that jerk of a friend’s team or have a bodybuilder boyfriend pick her up everyday. The ones whom you get to interact with will always be either married or will switch jobs within the week.
  • The productivity of a team is inversely proportional to it’s proximity with the coffee machine.
  • Bug free code is as much a reality as George Bush stringing together 4 sensible words.
  • With practice, it really is possible to keep your mouth shut in meetings even when you hear alarm bells clanging and all your senses screaming on how impractical the latest process model sounds.
  • The feasibility of a project increases the higher you go up in the management hierarchy.
  • You work less, you get more work. You work more, you get more work.
  • Never be so effective that the first name that comes to your manager’s mind is you. Else you’ll be the one to get all the complex stuff and critical issues for a deadline that was yesterday.
  • The best place to meet your office girlfriend is the staircase ;-). Nobody uses them coz everybody’s busy grumbling about how slow the elevator is.
  • Irrespective of how they look or how you feel about an inch of mascara and lipstick, you’d bloody well compliment them.
  • The greatest cover up in history is not about Mary Magdalene or Da Vinci or even about Tom Cruise being gay. An over jacket can cover anything from creases to stains in your un-washed, un-pressed shirt/tee.

C’mon, go ahead. Forward this like we do everything else. Let’s see how many days it takes for my manager to get this one. The last one took 4 days. I’d be happy if you could include the source this time.

psst: Please dont include the mousepad thing in the mail. I heard my manager’s still searching for it.

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24 Comments »

  1. Gold!!!Every single word in here!Would frame a blow up of this post and hang it on the wall of my cubicle.You wanna stand for manager? You have my vote.

    Comment by bkm — November 10, 2006 @ 1:08 AM | Reply

  2. Dude, WAT?Gals get less work?Man wher r u?Have seen gals who work more than wat guys do?Stop the good old stories …N HAVE THIS ,for sure ur wife s gonna be a software pro working 24*7…tat time u wil cum to know ….

    Comment by Anonymous — November 10, 2006 @ 7:51 AM | Reply

  3. @bkmdaidialogue a innum mathalaiya?

    Comment by santhosh — November 10, 2006 @ 5:58 PM | Reply

  4. @anonymouswill YOU marry me?;-)

    Comment by santhosh — November 10, 2006 @ 5:59 PM | Reply

  5. Now get back to work!…your manager

    Comment by anandh — November 10, 2006 @ 8:46 PM | Reply

  6. @anandhY..y..yes sir!

    Comment by santhosh — November 10, 2006 @ 9:24 PM | Reply

  7. Get back to work?Wat sorta work……Its clear from your post that u r not interested in S/W…Then wat else….

    Comment by Anandhi — November 11, 2006 @ 5:16 AM | Reply

  8. Hey, This is Mrs.Kannan ,Am married already..and we enjoy every single moment of our togetherness …N havn’t ever let him to blabber like u abt S/W job…Ne koduthuvachadhu avlodhan..Coolllll

    Comment by Anonymous — November 11, 2006 @ 5:20 AM | Reply

  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Comment by V.E.N.K.S — November 11, 2006 @ 4:14 PM | Reply

  10. Fundoo man !Reminds me..Need a mouse pad & ( a lot of other things too ! ) !Get me one (atleast a mousepad) when I am in Bangalore..

    Comment by V.E.N.K.S — November 11, 2006 @ 4:16 PM | Reply

  11. @anonymouswhoever you are,am ok with adultery

    Comment by santhosh — November 11, 2006 @ 6:47 PM | Reply

  12. @venksyou can get it from my delhi warehouse šŸ˜‰

    Comment by santhosh — November 11, 2006 @ 6:49 PM | Reply

  13. as alwaysrockin’ maan!

    Comment by jee — November 11, 2006 @ 10:30 PM | Reply

  14. @jeethanks…

    Comment by santhosh — November 13, 2006 @ 8:14 PM | Reply

  15. well written and quite true šŸ™‚

    Comment by justme — November 14, 2006 @ 3:22 PM | Reply

  16. a gud one…now I know when and why people write such worth-forwarding posts…Abhishekhttp://abhieshek.blogspot.com

    Comment by Anonymous — November 17, 2006 @ 6:14 PM | Reply

  17. best post yet buddy!and ahem.. office girlfriend?!?!

    Comment by ..B.a.l.a.JI. sm.. — November 20, 2006 @ 11:02 AM | Reply

  18. @justmethanks… for the quite true part šŸ˜‰

    Comment by santhosh — November 20, 2006 @ 7:14 PM | Reply

  19. @abhishekjust a couple more years buddy,you’ll be doin the same in some air conditioned cubicle…

    Comment by santhosh — November 20, 2006 @ 7:16 PM | Reply

  20. @smahemoffice girlfriend like in some girl who works in the same office and is a friend…but seriousa, how do you and RS always manage to pick out these lines?

    Comment by santhosh — November 20, 2006 @ 7:18 PM | Reply

  21. awesome post man.Always girls work Less and they take more credit than the guys.girlfriends??Long time since i posted a comment in your page.Hope you are doing good.

    Comment by Narayanan — November 25, 2006 @ 11:52 PM | Reply

  22. Hi santhosh, yesterday I visited consolidate loan student. maybe you will found some good the artilce site.see you again, santhosh

    Comment by Jonh Neo — November 29, 2006 @ 11:02 PM | Reply

  23. @narainwelcome back LA boy!

    Comment by santhosh — December 1, 2006 @ 12:59 AM | Reply

  24. doing a good job is like…….!!!really good post and sense of humourmade my day already.

    Comment by nayana — December 16, 2008 @ 10:14 PM | Reply


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