Days of our Lives!

August 6, 2007

Home Alone

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,My Dayz — Santhosh @ 8:02 AM

Just about everyone who’s come within earshot of the fact that I’m living alone in a 1 BHK* comes up with this knowing smile, accompanied by a paternal wink if someone older. The way they look at me, one would think that I’m one of those villains of the early 90’s who would have half clad women with huge thighs shake a leg at my kaattu bungalaaa. A couple of my college friends visited me over the weekend and they were no exception. So, to save all you guys the trouble of starting Orkut communities and research groups on what goes on behind the closed doors, here you go :

Every time someone rings the bell, I hurriedly get off the bed, trip over the covers, send the girl covered in a white blanket first under the bed, then into the closet, back under the bed, then into the bathroom, and finally into the loft above. You know, like one of those Charlie Chaplin movies in fast motion, with just the music on. I then proceed to kick her high heels under the chair, throw her handbag into the dustbin, smooth my hair and open the door with the face a kid who’s just broken a window, but has to go in and retrieve the ball.

I also have this old man hidden under my cot. He once shouted Mahatma Gandhi ki Jai a few years back and has been in hiding ever since. I collect rent from him for providing him sanctuary (with a 5% annual increment of course), dreading the day he’s going to jump outside with his dhoti over his shoulders, screaming “India ku viduthalai kedachiduchu! India ku viduthalai kedachiduchu!“…

Residents of Airport Road talk in hushed tones of the flat next to the Chokkanathaswamy Temple. Every night I’ll be sprawled on this chair and the light is dim and red, a slowly turning ceiling fan scattering clouds of blue cigarette smoke. There is this bison’s head mounted on the wall whose eyes glow in red every now and then. There is also this little knob on my bookshelf, which when turned turns an entire part of the wall and gives me a tunnel to escape when Horlicks Uncle and Junior Horlicks Aunty come with “We are from the Income Tax department”.

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot, but speaking of the IT dept’s reminded me. The Gold. I have ‘Gold biscuits’ hidden under my mattress, in the curtain seams, inside the false ceiling, in the knobs-dials-and-buttons safe behind the Sachin poster, and hell, even the laptop I’m typing this on has a few grams stashed in.

Every time I step out on to the street, middle-aged couples sitting in their porticos and balconies get up and rush inside, mothers send their children to their rooms while they peep through lowered shutters, the fruits vendor runs away with his thallu vandi and so does the guy selling buckets (have to investigate more on this funda – there always is a vendor selling brightly coloured buckets). I place my foot on the road and the wind starts to blow, causing dry leaves to flutter around. As I start down the road, I spot a small boy sitting on the side. Just as his mother faints with hysteria among the people holding her back, the kid walks slowly up to me and asks, “Neenga nallavara kettavara?

*BHK – Bedroom Hall Kitchen
See, my blog now acts as a Complete Idiot’s guide to real estate in Bangalore.

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11 Comments »

  1. neenga kandippa kirukku than… [:P]

    Comment by crazyBugga — August 6, 2007 @ 11:03 AM | Reply

  2. aiyooo appo andha boochandi nee daanaaa!!!!!

    Comment by Mark IV — August 6, 2007 @ 2:17 PM | Reply

  3. waah!!1awesome ending manfor an awesome post

    Comment by q — August 7, 2007 @ 12:33 AM | Reply

  4. @crazybuggaadapavigala,thaniya pirichiputta….

    Comment by santhosh — August 7, 2007 @ 2:29 PM | Reply

  5. @markiv,thirumbavum solraen, pirichi paesa koodathu, wogay?

    Comment by santhosh — August 7, 2007 @ 2:32 PM | Reply

  6. nee nallavan dhan aena simbu is the kettavan

    Comment by Anonymous — August 8, 2007 @ 1:34 PM | Reply

  7. nee nallavan dhan aena simbu is the kettavan

    Comment by Anonymous — August 8, 2007 @ 1:35 PM | Reply

  8. @qi’ll take that as a compliment 😉

    Comment by santhosh — August 9, 2007 @ 12:24 AM | Reply

  9. @anonymousadapavigala,enna simbu bracket la serka partheengalae

    Comment by santhosh — August 9, 2007 @ 12:25 AM | Reply

  10. good one yaardefinitely made me smile

    Comment by guna — August 9, 2007 @ 1:36 AM | Reply

  11. @gunalaughing at, laughing on?

    Comment by santhosh — August 15, 2007 @ 11:27 PM | Reply


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