Days of our Lives!

April 16, 2008

Chitty Chatty

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy — Santhosh @ 5:04 PM

Chats and IMs have become such a major part of our lives that I’m surprised we’re yet to hear on subsidies for GTalk usage in broadband connections or reservations for people using our very own, desi, Rediff-Bol. Anyways, I was talking to this friend of mine the other day and he mouthed an “LOL” instead of really laughing out loud. Apart from realising that the “LOL” sounds like a dog bark, and his admitting to having a problem with his online obsessions spilling over to the real world, this sounded like a great idea for a post – what not to carry over from the IM world into the I AM world!

So at the risk of my son stumbling across my blog 20 years down the line and wondering “Gee, all Dad could do back then was sit and give gyaan“, here we go :

  • It is definitely not good manners to ask “a/s/l” when you meet someone in real life. It can be very offending. Especially the “s” part.
  • Remember, the person in front of you can really see you. So don’t start the intro with how demanding it is for a successful male model to be giving all these interviews…
  • Do not try acting out ROFL in a public place.
  • Repeated winking or showing your teeth will get you dates only with them guys in the white coats and Maruti van. As also trying to spin your head like a top every time you say a “Nooooooo”.
  • Buzzing, nudging and other forms of physical indulgence to gain attention may lead to misdemeanor or sexual harassment charges.
  • Do not try having two independent conversations with two different people at the same time because, rather unfortunately for everyone concerned, you can all hear each other. Especially when you say “Hiiii” to one and “the loser is here” to the other.
  • Try as you may, you can’t tell someone you’re “Away” or “In an IMPORTANT meeting” when he can plainly see you doing nothing but looking at that photo on Bangalore Times from different angles.
  • You can’t leave offliners. So don’t shout something in a guy’s cubicle when he’s not there and expect him to hear it when he returns.
  • You can’t google something in run-time when you’re really talking to someone. So don’t bother starting on Shakespearean Insights into Metaphysical Antimatter Dynamics.
  • And, rather critically, there is no real-life equivalent for LMAO. Do not even think of trying it.

March 16, 2008

I’m Booked!

Filed under: Books,Comedy-Keemedy,Tagged — Santhosh @ 1:48 AM

1) One book that changed your life.
The Book of Registration of Births at the Taj Hospital, Madurai. Now, if only the nurses hadn’t been so enchanted by my spell-binding beauty even at that early stage of my life and had switched me with that nice family who drove up in 2 Contessas (mid-1980s, remember)…

2) One book that you have read more than once.

I’ve read this like a hundred times but am yet to find anything remotely ‘automatic’ about it or successfully do anything other than boil milk with it.

3) One book you would want on a desert island.
Ok, I’ll leave it to you, which one is it – a desert, an island, or a deserted island? But the next time, don’t you dare talk to me in oxymorons you big oxy moron. An Idiot’s Guide to Survival would do, but then since I’m not not too keen on trusting someone who calls himself an idiot, a Playboy would do nicely, especially if the rescue ship’s gonna take some time coming.

4) One book that made you laugh.

The Kamasutra. No, seriously. If figuring out the eerie gymnastic poses and circus positions for you-know-what doesn’t have you in splits, the TOI referring to India as the land of the KS every time something remotely related to censor boards or PDAs comes up is bound to give you tummy aches.

5) One book that made you cry.

Digital Image Processing – Rafael C. Gonzalez and Richard E. Woods.
I had this with me for the open-book internal test. For the Antenna and Wave Propagation paper.

6) One book you wish you’d written.

7) One book you wish had been written.
How to kill people who pass you tags on blogs.

8) One book you wish had never been written.

My college syllabus book.
Honestly. If ever there was a set of printed matter that was of no use to anyone concerned, this is it. An autonomous syllabus meant that entire Malvinos and Millman-Halkias’ came up as just one subject paper. And then the semester questions were either make-you-think-coz-I-can’t types or taken out of the reference research material that the said authors had used.

9) Two books you are currently reading.

Illustrated Secrets of Lock Picking – Steven M. Hampton
The Dumbest Moments in Business History – Adam Horowitz and the Editors of Business 2.0
~ both pirated e-copies of course.

10) One book you’ve been meaning to read.
Basics of Java. After almost 3 years of working on it and other assorted related stuff, I’m yet to get around to sitting down on this.

Who says only sharing of pirated books is nirvana. Booking their next post with this book tag for :
Curious : As always, the aadu!
Markiv : For going over to the dark side with wordpress.
Crazybugga : Knock, knock. Machi, you read books?
justme : The one guy I know who reads a lot of off-beat stuff. Should be interesting.
Raakesh : My future co-author. Someday machi, someday.

February 4, 2008

Supey’s mommy-in-law thinks he’s a duffer!

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,Top Draws — Santhosh @ 4:01 AM

Do what I can, I just can’t seem to pull myself away from talking about super-heroes. Part reason is because they always make such compelling reading, and part reason is because my company thinks I’m a super-hero.

Now, an open question to the fairer gender (btw, isn’t this racism too?) :
What would you say if a Superman or a Spiderman came to marry any of you? The odds are you wouldn’t place your palms over your mouth and scream before running off into Daddy dearest’s arms. You wouldn’t even give a moment’s thought about “emotional compatibility or congenial virtues” and “YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES….” would be your resounding answer. And I don’t blame you. All those hunky muscles and husky voice to go with the “tender and innocent with morals and confusion over saving the world” thing. Who could resist?

If I were a brother or father of the girl that a super-hero is interested in, I would be thrilled too, in fact more than either of them. The economics work out really well. For one, I wouldn’t have to pay for their honeymoon flight tickets (come to think of it, I wouldn’t need to buy any flight tickets ever again). For another, he’d be a real help around the house. I would just need to lift the phone to my machan Superman and he’d fly over with fresh coffee beans from Brazil or the latest Harry Potter book straight from Bloomsbury. Drilling holes? Just ask good ol’ Supey to do that laser thing. Watering plants? Batman should have some device handy. Mosquitoes? Spidey could do with a snack!

Nice no? But what would the girl’s mother – the Indian mother-in-law – think? “So which college did you graduate from? IIT? NIT? Were you a topper in class? What’s your CGPA? Whaaaat? You didn’t graduate? And you dropped out of high school? Narayanaa, what will our relatives think?”. “Do you have a green-card? Or a H1B visa? Whaaatttt? You work as a paper-boy(Superman) / photographer(Spidey) / don’t work at all (Batman)??? Oh, these spoilt NRI boys… Narayanaa

Things quickly move from bad to worse if you think about the female superheroes (or is it superheroines? I plead ignorance here, before one of you feminists turns this post into a Solomon Paappayya pattimandram). Now, all you guys reading this post, imagine Wonder Woman in front of you with all bended knee asking for your hand (I know, I know, it’s the guy who’s got to propose. But since we’ve come this far on suppositions, we’ll take it a bit further and make the girl beg for the boy, shall we? It’s my blog after all!). Now, 10 times out of 10, any sane guy would accept the offer.

Apart from being free from all the tears and glycerine and pestering for Kancheevaram silk sarees, there would be a lot of other advantages to having her as a spouse. Firstly, you’ll just have to play up the gender supremacy thing and drop subtle hints of how Superman gets things from Brazil and Switzerland and off she’ll go flying to get you what you want. Economics and ease of things would once again work out here. Secondly she’ll be away half the time fighting crime and injustice and making the world a better place so that you can watch the cricket match in peace at home. Also, you wouldn’t need to get your lazy backside off the couch to accompany her to the street end – who would mug her? Aah, bliss! And besides, her agility would come in handy for a lot of other things, if you know what I mean, wink-wink.

So, in all a very enticing proposition, right? Now, let’s add the Indian mother-in-law into the equation! “Can you keep vaththa kozhambu? It’s my maamanaar‘s favourite. Can you sing the Purvikalyani?”. “Tsk tsk, what are you eating young lady? You need to put on weight. How will you bear a child and besides, what would Ambujam maami think of our family if she sees you this thin”. And so before you could say CatWoman, your superwoman would start looking like Namitha and would be cheering the syrupy-sweet-marumagal-with-sindhoor on against the evil-sisterInLaw-with-designer-bindi on the TV dappa.

Seriously. Think about all the stuff that parents look for in matrimonial sites and try them in our superheroes. You’ll be shocked to see that they could blast meteors with laser beams and fly you away to dizzying heights but would be a super-duper flop when it comes to impressing mommy dear. Amen!

October 14, 2007

Simbu misses out

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,My Cup of Socie-Tea — Santhosh @ 11:56 AM

If only Simbu had had the sense to have been born a leetle further north…

Hysterical News Anchor : So, COC, why do you think this happened? But before that, tell me what exactly do you think is going on?

Chennai Correspondent : Thank you, HNA. There has been a huge outcry here because Silambarasan, or Simbu as he is known to his huge fan base, was actually seen announcing that he can’t act and was actually caught on camera talking about it.

Hysterical News Anchor : That was our special reporter COC, who had joined us from our office in Chiinai telling us that Simbu was actually seen announcing on TV that he can’t act and in fact his exact words were “Enakku nadikka theriyadhuyaa”. We move now to our correspondent, OLC, in Chiinai who is actually on the location where the incident occurred and who has the latest information. So OLC, COC has just spoken to us from Chiinai and told us that Simbu was actually seen claiming that he can’t act. How do you think Vijay TR, or Karadi to us all, is feeling at the moment?

On Location Correspondent : Thank you EVA. Yes, it is true that Simbu was actually seen claiming he can’t act and was actually videographed when he was announcing it. We have NOT been able to talk to Karadi yet. However, I am sure he has heard about this incident and it is possible that he may have already spoken to Simbu earlier today about this incident.

Hysterical News Anchor : That was our special reporter OLC who had joined us from the actual scene of the incident, telling us that Karadi may have already spoken to Simbu earlier today about this incident. So tell me OLC, do you think that this is indicative of the fact that Simbu’s standing as a superstar, however LITTLE, has been on the rocks for a while now.

On Location Correspondent : Exactly EVA. I completely agree that this does put an end to the speculation that things have not been going well for Simbu for a while now. This unfortunate event now confirms these reports and I think we can say quite definitely that his standing as an actor is now on troubled waters.

Hysterical News Anchor : However, OLC is it not true that Simbu has been known as someone who can’t act earlier as well and has he not still starred as a hero after intense media speculation. Besides, mustn’t we allow for the fact that Prithviraj is after all more muscled and looks like he could even lift Sangeetha who was one of the panel of judges, and Simbu is but a sullan. Is it not possible that Simbu could have been intimidated by Prithviraj who in fact has earlier gone on record that nepotism plays a huge role in Kollywood?

On Location Correspondent : Exactly EVA. I completely agree that Prithviraj is indeed well built and that has been evident even in ‘Savaal’ when he was reported to have single-handedly pushed an empty coke bottle up an incline with his nose, and so it is natural for Simbu to be a little intimidated by him. It is also true that there have previously been reports that Simbu cannot act but he has still come back, so as you say, there is a strong possibility that this may happen in this case as well.

Hysterical News Anchor : We now move to our office in Chiinai where we are joined by our special correspondent, COC who has a special guest, Director DIR. Hello, COC and DIR. We have just been talking to our correspondent OLC who joined us from the actual location of the reported incident to tell us that news of this incident has reached Chiinai and possibly is now known by Karadi.

Director DIR with Chennai Correspondent : Yes, I think by now Karadi would be aware of the news but at this point I feel I should tell you that there has been much speculation over this previously also, especially after Simbu’s 7th successive flop and so –

Hysterical News Anchor : Thank you DIR, but we’re running short of time here, so could you quickly tell us how this may affect Simbu as a person since it’s now known that Simbu actually announced that he can’t act when he told on TV “Enakku nadikka theriyadhuyaa”……

Thanks to carelesschronicles
Part 1 : Megavideo, Youtube.
Part 2 : Megavideo, Youtube.

October 11, 2007

College Life – Kanavugal

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy — Santhosh @ 4:25 AM

My bro’s just joined college (for the first time too!) and he’s been telling me how it’s all sooo (the use of so many o’s indicates he’s fast turning into a Chennai vaasi) different from the castles he’d built in his mind – when he was supposed to be reading up on solenoids and gas law equations – in 12th. Maybe the let-down is because he’s watched his elder bro follow insane college timings by staying home for cricket matches and holding cultural club meetings in Coffee Day. Anyways, as a result of all those college life movies mainstreamed by namma Kollywood, this is the way I thought those 4 yrs of my own college life would pan out for me :

I’ll be Dennis the Menace and Calvin rolled into one. Without a thought to internal marks, placements or repeat courses, I’ll boo the lecturers, throw torn notebooks in the air, use only four-letter words to the college management, talk back to professors and walk out of class followed by 4-5 guys. Then again, I may opt to be the super-hero and end up being the gold medallist apart from hitting a six off the last ball to win the match against our parama edhiri college. And finally there’s this something that every college movie has (even the ones dating back to when Chinni Jeyant acted in the first of his 230 movies as a student) – go around campus with a football in hand. Ultra Cool man!

Me and my gang, we’ll rawk! Football teams, culturals, canteen, dance teams – we’ll be the only ones in each of them; and what’s more, we’ll even decide to be in the same class. And in case we get bored of beating the shit out of local politicians and talking about Himalayas, student power and Kanyakumari (in one particular order), we’ll go on these college tours where each one of us will gleefully wave our hands out of the bus windows all through the journey, at the end of which we’ll have 5 star accommodation with room service.

Since I’m the college dada, girls will come to me with petty complaints. Like say, the principal has told “seat laedhu ma” to her because she’s just 6 months late in applying. How dare he tell that, the pessimist. He should have paarattufied her eagerness to study for applying 6 months ahead of the next year and given her admission straight into 2nd year. I would tell the girl “Naan parthukaraen. Nee alaama po!” because all I’d need to do would be to call the principal and tell him “Namma ponnu dhaan sir“, and set up a side business at the back gate tea-kadai, to take of these and other related petty problems like “fees kattradhuku date mudinjiduchu”, “hall-ticket tholanjidichu” or “lecturer ungala vida mokkai“.

Since I’m also going to anyways win the research-project competition, I’ll be in the library researching quantum physics in micro electro mechanical systems. And so I’ll walk to the nanotechnology section and try to pull out “(Help! Book names needed)” from the shelf and end up playing tug-of-war on it with my to-be figure* who’s also trying to pick the same book from the other side. We’ll even flutter our eyelashes a couple of times at each other (sidenote to myself : that’s the killer, you Romeo!). But mind you pretty girl, I also have half a mind to let-go suddenly and watch you go sprawling down.
*figure(s) – girl(s) (not all of them though)

See, we can all be Mustafa-Mustafa friends and classmates and all that, but when my figure (yeah, again!) walks alone towards where we’re sitting on OC bikes, even though she’s in the same class as us, one of you guys will pipe up “machan, ava varra da“, and everyone leaves the spot like true gentlemen. (This has personally been the biggest letdown. Maybe my college guys have never watched all those movies, because they’ve gone the opposite route and made sure they pop up everytime I’m, you know, busy. Adhan kadalai pottutrukkanu theriyudhu la, “No Disturbance” sign a vaikka mudiyum?)

Up Next : College Life – Unmai, nadanthathu enna!

September 25, 2007

uS vs. tHEm

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,Mars and Venus,My Cup of Socie-Tea,Top Draws — Santhosh @ 2:24 PM

I’ve been following this increasingly popular trend of girls trying to ape guys in social behaviour – wearing boots, riding bikes, calling each other machi, maapi, and dude. And I started thinking of the things that girls can do but we guys would never be able to carry off. The first thing that comes to mind is how girls can dress up in pink and wear enough accessories to give Shilpa Shetty a complex. But “No!” I said to myself. I’m not going to go the fashion route. Instead, I will talk about other social phenomena that the fairer sex can get away with but we men shudder to even think about. Here goes:

~~ Be in a group in a party (or any goddamn place for that matter) by themselves and NOT look desperate. This one completely amazes me. A group of girls standing all by themselves in a social gathering is a sexy thing and the same scene enacted by the male species is a sight of sadness? Someone sees a group of guys minding their own business in a corner and people exchange smirks, “Look look! Despos.” But put a group of five girls by themselves yakking and giggling away and the nudges and expressions change, “Man, that’s so progressive”!!!

~~ Be completely useless in a situation and yet come off looking cute. Take a flat tire on a moonless night for instance. While the guy is out changing nuts and bolts, cursing the Gods and swearing at the Indian Cricket Team, the girl with him will most likely be caught aiming the flashlight into the sky while intently peering at what he’s doing in the dark.

~~ Have a Best Friend. Every girl it seems has a best friend. Atleast one. You know, that someone who writes an Orkut testimonial with “muaaaaah” in it. Now it was all fine when my mother asked me when I was in 3rd standard why I’d brought my lunch back and I replied, “My best friend brought rotis today”. But down the years I (and guys in general) have become increasingly hesitant to even accept that I have “close male friends”. But the fairer sex have it different. Every girl has a “Best Friend” story any day of the week – “Me and my best friend, we bought matching salwars”, “Me and my best friend have the saaaame tastes”… And sometimes it’s not just limited to best friends. They take it one notch higher, “Simi and I are the bestEST of friends. We’ve known each other for ages and share everything with each other!” Now try replacing Simi in that statement with Rahul and ask yourself if it still sounds right. The first thing that crops to mind when the word ‘share’ is uttered with respect to two guys would be a pair of undies. I rest my case.

~~ Get away with crinky call-names. Let’s take a pure desi name like Deepika for example. She can be called Deepi, Deepu, Deeps, Dee or even just plain D; apart from the fact that some guys she know will greet her with “Hey Deepuuuu” or “Bye Deeepiiii”. Now, if you even try calling your friend Deepak by any of these, I’ll bet on Dhoni’s house that your friend will die a virgin.

~~ Add sexiness to something as unremarkable as eating. How does this system work anyway? An airy fairy maiden eating a banana or gently licking a lollypop is supposed to be an erotic sight? And sucking in the last teeny-weeny bit on the strawberry or licking in the bit of dark chocolate from the corner of her mouth is not supposed to be gluttonous – it’s the quintessence of sexiness. Now, can you think of any food that you can imagine a guy eating and you relating to anything remotely sexy to the situation – think – idli, briyani, chicken tandoori, rotis – nothing. The only effect we men seem capable of producing is that of disgust when we have sauces and stuffing dripping down our elbows and try to cover it up with what starts as a winning smile that only reveals more unmentionables stuck between our teeth – aaaaargh!

September 19, 2007

JB vs JB

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy — Santhosh @ 2:51 PM

The James Bond series of movies have been taking a beating for offering up bland and superannuated action sequences. The Bourne series in particular has forced Bond to move out into more action rather than the corny one-liners and ludicrous gadgets. But who would win the battle of the spies, if James Bond and Jason Bourne went head to head?

I hate to sound like Rameez Raja’s commentary here, but really, it depends on which Bond we’re talking about, even if it’s all the same script.

Sean Connery’s Bond vs. Bourne : Pretty close, but I’d have to give it to Bourne – his martial arts skills may just be too good for the old fistfighter.
George Lazenby’s Bond : Bourne needn’t bother turning up. Lazenby would have tripped down the stairs in that ridiculous skirt of his from On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
Roger Moore’s Bond : Oh, puhleese. Bourne. In about four seconds.
Timothy Dalton’s Bond : Bourne. Dalton would get The Living Daylights beaten out of him in no time.
Pierce Brosnan’s Bond : Bourne, if the relatives of Brosnan’s dead sidekicks don’t get to him first.
Daniel Craig’s Bond : Bourne, even if this should be about the closest as both are skilled martial artists and Craig looks tough. But I’d still give it to Bourne because of his superior close-in fighting skills and because he can hang off window ledges better.
Ian Fleming’s James Bond : Bond would finish Bourne in his sleep, then go and seduce that Canadian girlfriend of Bourne’s. Shaken, not stirred.

August 6, 2007

Home Alone

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,My Dayz — Santhosh @ 8:02 AM

Just about everyone who’s come within earshot of the fact that I’m living alone in a 1 BHK* comes up with this knowing smile, accompanied by a paternal wink if someone older. The way they look at me, one would think that I’m one of those villains of the early 90’s who would have half clad women with huge thighs shake a leg at my kaattu bungalaaa. A couple of my college friends visited me over the weekend and they were no exception. So, to save all you guys the trouble of starting Orkut communities and research groups on what goes on behind the closed doors, here you go :

Every time someone rings the bell, I hurriedly get off the bed, trip over the covers, send the girl covered in a white blanket first under the bed, then into the closet, back under the bed, then into the bathroom, and finally into the loft above. You know, like one of those Charlie Chaplin movies in fast motion, with just the music on. I then proceed to kick her high heels under the chair, throw her handbag into the dustbin, smooth my hair and open the door with the face a kid who’s just broken a window, but has to go in and retrieve the ball.

I also have this old man hidden under my cot. He once shouted Mahatma Gandhi ki Jai a few years back and has been in hiding ever since. I collect rent from him for providing him sanctuary (with a 5% annual increment of course), dreading the day he’s going to jump outside with his dhoti over his shoulders, screaming “India ku viduthalai kedachiduchu! India ku viduthalai kedachiduchu!“…

Residents of Airport Road talk in hushed tones of the flat next to the Chokkanathaswamy Temple. Every night I’ll be sprawled on this chair and the light is dim and red, a slowly turning ceiling fan scattering clouds of blue cigarette smoke. There is this bison’s head mounted on the wall whose eyes glow in red every now and then. There is also this little knob on my bookshelf, which when turned turns an entire part of the wall and gives me a tunnel to escape when Horlicks Uncle and Junior Horlicks Aunty come with “We are from the Income Tax department”.

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot, but speaking of the IT dept’s reminded me. The Gold. I have ‘Gold biscuits’ hidden under my mattress, in the curtain seams, inside the false ceiling, in the knobs-dials-and-buttons safe behind the Sachin poster, and hell, even the laptop I’m typing this on has a few grams stashed in.

Every time I step out on to the street, middle-aged couples sitting in their porticos and balconies get up and rush inside, mothers send their children to their rooms while they peep through lowered shutters, the fruits vendor runs away with his thallu vandi and so does the guy selling buckets (have to investigate more on this funda – there always is a vendor selling brightly coloured buckets). I place my foot on the road and the wind starts to blow, causing dry leaves to flutter around. As I start down the road, I spot a small boy sitting on the side. Just as his mother faints with hysteria among the people holding her back, the kid walks slowly up to me and asks, “Neenga nallavara kettavara?

*BHK – Bedroom Hall Kitchen
See, my blog now acts as a Complete Idiot’s guide to real estate in Bangalore.

July 25, 2007

gAnder bias

Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,Mars and Venus,My Cup of Socie-Tea,Top Draws — Santhosh @ 3:32 AM

Tuesday afternoon. Pavement in front of Shanti Sagar, Domlur. Pretty girl searching for some DVD from the DVD walla. Office going guy flipping through Akio Morita’s “Made In Japan” from the adjacent bookwalla. She looks up. He looks up. Their eyes meet. Her look turns angry while he hurriedly looks away, visibly flustered.

This is what strikes me as to how differently both sexes react to a simple situation like this. If two pairs of eyes meet, then both parties are equally to blame for whatever eye-candy theft that’s happened. Yet, the “thou is fairer” sex immediately assumes a morally superior “he was leching at me” stance, while the male member instantly goes on the defensive thinking “Oh no! She must think I was leching at her”. The irony is that the crime committed by both sides is the same and so is the evidence the jury has against them. And yet, one party instantly assumes the role of the offended and the other, of the guilty.

Seriously, try this. Sit in a Coffee Day and keep staring at a girl. She’ll soon whisper into her friend’s ear about “the pervert in the opposite table”. And if she’s with her boyfriend, boy, talk about looks that can kill! Now try and imagine a situation where the tables are turned (pun intended) and you find a girl staring at you. However now you’ll be the one who’ll become all jittery and start a mental check of what you’ve done in the last 5 minutes – zipper’s locked, no sugar crystals sticking at odd places, socks are matching… And don’t even try telling your friend about her, unless you want to become the comedy story of the week for your gang. If you’re with your girlfriend, then woe betide you; she’ll sniff out what’s happening with that beautiful nose of her’s and settle the issue with an accusatory look at you. Yes sir, you! Even if the girl in the opposite table is the one guilty, your girlfriend will in all probability conclude YOU must have done something to attract her attention.
In all this, not for a moment, not for a single freaking Kodak-clicking moment is anyone going to even dare imagine the remote possibility that the girl in the opposite table was eyeing you.

I would dearly love to see the day when a young guy takes to task two members of the fairer sex who’ve been giving him the eye, with choice phrases like “Unakku annan thambi ellam kedaiyadhu?“*, “Ne annan thambi kooda porakalai?“, “Un appavum oru ‘paiyan’ dhana!“** and a couple of men passing by give them dagger-looks, muttering “Cha, poriki ponnunga

* You don’t have any brothers?
** Your dad is also a ‘boy’ only, no?

July 16, 2007


Filed under: Comedy-Keemedy,Tagged,Top Draws — Santhosh @ 1:47 AM

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it?
I’ll have to use Inky Pinky Ponky for this. Cricket, Skating, Karate and an active childhood have made sure my knees, elbows, and feet have used enough band-aids from Johnson & Johnson to make me their brand ambassador and the passport officer to give me two A4 sheets for identification marks. Then there was this right shoulder-bone injury I picked up in my 11th. And the bit of broken tooth in my 5th. And of course the surgery for torn cruciate ligaments on my left knee. Yet, but, still, however, all these pale in comparison to the day I watched Veerasamy. Mentally scarred for life. Sob.

2. What does your phone look like?
Like something that’s gone down three flights of stairs. And landed the wrong side down.

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
There is this bunch of peacock feathers, which I bought in a local thiruvizha. I call the arrangement artsy, though some detractors may tell you a lot of other things.

4. What is your current desktop picture?

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Could a gay marriage have produced Angelina Jolie?

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Endha pakkam oru vellakaari, andha pakkam oru karuppi!!!!

7. What time were you born?
5 mins before some 20 nurses swooned at one go.
And I’m told it was sometime around 10am. So there is why I still can’t wake up before that.

8. Are your parents still together?
They have to. The emotional turmoil and the mental stress that’s gone into parenting me should keep them bonded for after-life.

9. Last person who made you cry?
The one who always does. The Indian Cricket Team.

10. What is you favorite perfume/cologne?
Never been much into ’em but if you’re talking about smells here, then nothing beats the smell of wet earth on a Friday afternoon in school.

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
A Metamorphmagus would be just great.
But as long as the hair is lustrous and the eyes are expressive and twinkling, I’m taken.

12. What are you listening to?
Apart from the ceiling fan that’s grinding it’s way up my nerves, this :

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Do fish get scared of the water? Does Spiderman suffer from arachnophobia? Does Schumi fear driving? Does God hate messing up? Does Saurav walk away from a runout? (oh well, the runout came about because he walked)

14. Do you like pain killers?
How else would you finish Max Payne in one sitting?
But personally, no. I can take pain.

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Yes. There is this girl I talk to everyday on the phone. She always says “Please check the number you have dialled”. Number a kanakku pannalamnu……….

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Parakkaradhu, Odaradhu, nadakaradhu, neendharadhu.
Bring ’em all on.

17. Who was the last person you made mad?
The one reading the blog right now.
And you remember the Axe ad where the guy keeps a counter? I have something like that for the people I make mad. I reset it thrice a day.

18. Is anyone in love with you?
There are these dogs in my street (which street in Bangalore doesn’t?). The moment I step onto the road, down they come yapping, yelping, barking, and growling. Talk about loving someone to bits.


Anbu naalum sari, adi naalum sari; kodukaradha apdiyae
10 7 madanga thirumba koduppom.
Tagging Calculus, nana, anu, markIV, crazyBugger, aparna, justme

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